Time, please stop flying. Please

What? It's February? Yes. No. Oh God.

Please excuse me while I have an emotional break down.


*15 minutes later*


Okay now, where were we?

Updates! Right. A few things, but before that, I just realized that my last update was about two months ago, called 'After a 2 month break'. Does this mean that I'll be updating once every 2 months?

Anywayyy, I went to Foster The People concert. Here, lemme show you a picture I took.

Cool? No? Well I don't care what you think, I think it's pretty darn cool. 

See, I was offered a ticket by a generous college mate and turns out, I got to experience being in the mosh pit for the very first time! I was so excited, cause, well, MOSH PIT!

And that's the reason why I was so fucking pissed at the end of it, because nothing turned out like how I imagined it would. First of all, I fell down, in the mosh pit, twice. I swear I thought I was gonna get seriously injured, because I thought people were gonna step on my legs, or sit on my face, or both. 

I wanted to scream, "GUYS, CALM YOUR FUCKING TITS MAN!" But, not that anyone would hear me anyway. I got shoved around, a lot. When the crowd settled down, 80% of the people were holding their cameras up, some even used tablets, to record the concert. Okay, I get it, you want some memories, but taking pictures throughout the entire concert? What the hell, man. Why don't you go back and watch tv? Because I'm short, I couldn't see shit.

Also, I didn't know the songs very well. Okay, this is my fault, I should've memorized the lyrics and do some research. As a result, I felt like a total loser because I couldn't sing along to almost any of the songs except 'Pumped Up Kicks', which was the last song.

Oh, and one guy was smoking in the mosh pit. *face palm* And! I broke my sandals! I was so pissed =(

So, if someone offered me a mosh pit ticket to a cool concert next time, will I go? Yes, yes I would. But will I be really excited? NO. Will I wear shoes? YES.

Bellow will be a couple of Instagram pictures.

From left to right:

My cousin opened up a dessert place in Kuchai called Pick Me Up, opposite Snowflake ;  Chocolate filled snowman donut from Krispy Kreme for supper with mum

A Polaroid of us, taken at Kary's party ; Mum's awesome century egg and minced meat porridge

Tasty ramen for a very sick girl ; Bird rescued from the pool by dad

DIY CNY nails ; Tuna Puff from Delifrance for breakfast

Pretty bug found while cleaning house for CNY ; Reflection from huge lights on the ceiling

How I looked for out 3rd year anniversary date ; Smallest poodle I've seen

After a 2 month break

After this post, I wonder how long it will take me to do another update. Here's a recent picture of myself (although I really haven't changed a single bit)

As usual, I was in the middle of doing my Land Law assignment, but got distracted by, well, the Internet in general. Then, I found myself coming here to have a look.

Keeping a blog updated is such hard work, and there's pressure in keeping it fresh and interesting. Whilst I do have a lot of thoughts, I don't always manage to put it down somewhere and they usually end up forgotten.

I've not been up to much, but I think the best way is to look though the pictures in my phone since I utilize the camera quite a bit.

  

  

  

  

  

From left to right: 

My love for tiny things; My adorable baby niece, looking like a baby boy; 

Showing off my gladiators while waiting for my mum at Ikea; Subway cookie the boy bought for me to snack;

A lovely plate, taken on one of the saddest day of my life; Birthday cake from my sweet mother;
Guitar pick from a Busco gig; Random baby girl I saw at PapaRich; 

Tiny bunch of keys as a bracelet charm; Tiramisu with a ladybug on top from the boy.

I post these pictures on Instagram, although I'm pretty slow on uploading pictures nowadays, if you have an account we should totally follow each other. My username is jeradyne =)

About a month ago I did another cover from Adele, so here it is:

November was a really tough month, but I managed to get by it and everything is fine now. So thankful for all the love I got from my family, so thankful that everything is back to normal now, if not better.

Okay this is starting to get a little boring, but before that, Imma sign out with a goofy picture =)

I'm better! (I think)

So, previous post was kinda awkward, wasn't it? Heh. . . Heh.

Right.

Cool picture btw? It was a side of the wall at Topshop in Sunway Pyramid. Multicoloured envelopes! So cute.

Well today was sort of a wonderful day. Would it be rather lifeless of me to say that it's because I spent it with my lovely boyfriend?

Oh well, who cares.

Cute? He finally got his hair cut! People tend to complain about his hair being too long all the time but, I don't see what's the big deal. Still HENSEM!

Hehehe, anyway, just trying out the new blogger app for iPhone.

Signing off for now =)



P/S: The iPhone Blogger app isn't very useful when it comes to posting pictures, cause it just posts all the pictures at the end of the post, which is super lame. I had to save the post as a draft on the iPhone and arrange the pictures on the iPad. Might as well just transfer the pictures to the computer and write the post there lol.

Just so bloody difficult

It's almost 3am now, I really should be sleeping.

I havent updated in a long time, and I'm back because I needed to talk to somebody but couldn't find the right opportunity or the right person to talk to. Or maybe that's a lie, maybe I just wanna type it out, without really needing any feedback, but knowing someone out there, whoever, will read it some time. Plus, I feel like an attention whore posting it on Facebook.

Have you ever had those days when you just feel so fucking fucked up that no words could even describe how fucked up you feel? I had one of those days yesterday. How did I deal with it? I stayed in bed the whole day, literally. Every single thing made me want to cry, I wanted to scream out of frustration. I was so angry, I kicked and pushed and pulled my hair till it hurt too much.

I know, I'm fucking crazy right?

Maybe you know what I'm talking about, maybe you don't. Although this is not the first time, it hasn't happened to me in a long time. How did I come such a long way, just to feel like this all over again?

It's so difficult, it's torturing. I feel like nobody understands, and I don't know how to make anyone understand either. Do you know how I would sound like if I were to tell you exactly how I feel? It'd probably sound something like "I'm so unhappy with how I look I'm so uncomfortable with myself I feel so ugly why am I not pretty how am I even surviving this why do I hate it so much why is this so difficult why don't I have better facial features fuck the fucking world fuck the pretty girls fuck I want to look like them fucking fuck"

In return you would either say something like "Omg what's wrong with you? You look fine you should be thankful for what you have you look pretty everyone is beautiful" or "Fucking bitch what an attention whore she just wants to tell the world that she's ugly so everyone would tell her she's not."

Either way, I don't really care about what you think. If you belong to the first group, I'd like to thank you, even though whatever you say doesn't really matter. If you belong to the second group, well fuck you.


I'd like to clarify that I'm not always like this. I'm confident some of the time, okay most of the time. It's just sometimes, it kinda hits me without much warning. Like how yesterday I woke up feeling really ugly and depressed and sad.

I feel like nothing falls into place. I cry, only to realize that crying will make my eyes puffy and disgusting, which makes my eyes look even smaller and rather shitty. It makes my eye bags and dark circles worse, especially if I cry at night till 3 in the morning. Then the next day I wake up looking even more like a piece of shit. Like an endless cycle of shit just hitting me in the face.

Isn't it so fucking annoying how insecure I am? Surely you're thinking, why is she so insecure? What has she got to be insecure about? The truth is I don't know either. Did you know that I'm terrified of losing my boyfriend? My boyfriend is possibly the most loyal person I know, and he shows me all time, how much he loves me and how I can trust him. But I'm so bloody insecure in this relationship sometimes that I just freak out and get jealous and act like a psycho bitch. My heart hurts so much when I'm like this, it's that terrible tight wrenching feeling in your chest that makes you want to burst out into tears, but because you're in public, you try as hard as you can to smile and laugh at the jokes but honestly, it's getting difficult to breathe.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

And my boyfriend studies in Subang. Do you know how many hot girls are in Subang? How many good looking girls study in Taylors or Inti? You're like fucking surrounded by good looking girls. Cherry on top my pie right?

It's not that there's no trust between us, I trust him with all my heart, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like a piece of shit.


It's kinda well known that I'm insecure, but no one really gets it and it can be quite frustrating. And so I cry and I cry, I scream into my pillow and drench it with tears, begging to fall asleep.

It's a difficult phase, it's so difficult. I can't love myself like how everyone around me does. My parents, my boyfriend, they love me so much. My pillars of strengh and support, and probably the reason why I'm still around.

Hopefully I won't have to do so much pretending anymore, I'm really not okay, can anyone tell?


Please, let me sleep tonight and feel better tomorrow.

A tiny moment

I have my Criminal paper tomorrow, then Common Law Reasoning on Thursday, and I'm off for another month's holiday before crazy stressful life begins again.

I'm feeling terribly lazy right now. I plan to study for another 2 hours, hit the bed and pass my exam tomorrow. Do the same for Thursday, go home and take a glorious afternoon nap.


I'm feeling really really down too. And insecure, and stressed out. Bloated cause I ate too much. I feel like a piece of shit. Confused, unsatisfied.



You know, that's all I wanted to say. I think they call this having a bad mood.

Amazing. . .

. . . how I can't seem to keep this place updated, even for Cheer Me Up Mondays. How big of a failure am I capable of being?

Nothing much happened recently, except for the fact that I went for plastic surgery and now look like this!

Well, no not really. Pretty looking thing ain't she? I did two photo shoots a couple of weeks ago and this is one of my favourites. I have another, wanna see?

I shot these pictures with my 85mm f1.8, which I'm pretty happy about. In fact I'm happy with the results as well, how all the pictures turned out. I uploaded these on Facebook and got the most pathetic response I could possibly imagine.

There were 3 likes on the album, and a couple of likes on a couple of pictures. That's it.


My heart is broken, my dreams are smashed. Why did you all have to be so cruel? But, life goes on. I'm afraid people are just terribly bored with portraits now, my shoot simply wasn't dynamic or creative enough, so I'll just sit at a corner and pat myself on the back.


I'm currently in the process of editing the second shoot, hopefully it will generate more responses.

Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please?


Oh creativity, where have you gone?
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Cheer Me Up Mondays #42

NPH FTW. Nuff said..
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My Honeymoon

I find the title of this blogpost rather misleading. Hah. Anyway here's a short post of last Saturday night. The boy asked if I wanted to go anywhere and I thought it'd be nice to try out Snowflakes (Yes, can you believe it? I've not tried Snowflakes yet). I'm convinced that it's overrated and nothing special, but wanted to find that out for myself.

Lucky for us there was one in Kuchai Entrepreneur's Park. Unfortunately it was packed and the queue was so long it reached the door. This might seem exaggerated; the store is pretty small.

Still in the mood for something sweet, we went to the dessert store on the opposite side of the road, which was My Honeymoon.

May I just say that the name of the shop is very lame? Especially the "My" part.

Here are a first complain about that place. It's bloody noisy. Due to people talking unnecessarily loud, the blasting music and poor sound absorption walls. It gave the boy a headache.

I've no idea what we ordered because I completely forgot to take note. The top one was a hot dessert. Black glutinous rice with coconut milk? Something like that. The bottom one was something to do with chocolate, that's all I remember.

I don't know about the first dessert, I think it tasted really really average. The second one, to me was alright, was kinda like eating chocolate ice-cream, but the boy said it tasted awful, like Chinese medicine lol.

 I asked the boy to look disappointed (because our experience there wasn't so great, seriously damn noisy =.=) and he came up with this face instead. Anddd, that's just me trying to act cute.

SHOOO CUTE! Can't get over tiny things.


Anyway, the conclusion is, I still haven't tried Snowflakes yet! Sigh, why I so outdated gehhh? At least I know My Honeymoon isn't all that interesting and it would be highly unlikely that we'll go there ever again.

On a random note, my brother thinks that the My Honeymoon logo/character looks bloody ugly and weird, I find it cute, but the boy said it looks like an upside down nut sack lol it's a heart shape lah!
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Daddy's Day ♥

Last Sunday was Father's Day, so we thought we'd treat Dad to dinner, since he always pays for everything. There were many advertisements of Father's Day promotions in the papers, but we settled for The Windmill Restaurant because it seemed like the better deal.

Here are some pictures.

Bread and Butter; Sharksfin with Shredded Chicken Soup.

I know what you're thinking, Jeradyne ate Sharksfin?? What a hypocrite!

Well, in my defense, it was mainly chicken soup with a very very small amount of Sharskfin, and I did avoid eating them while I was drinking the soup.

Nom-ing away.

If you're interested you can actually enlarge the picture to take a closer look at the menu/options. Because if you didn't so anything for Father's Day, fret not as this promotion lasts till the end of this month.

Prawns and Mango Cocktail

 

Grilled Steak & Chicken topped with Black and White Mushroom Sauce; Roasted Rosemary Lamb with Tiger Prawns.

Ice-cream and Coffee. I feel a little cheated because in the menu we were supposed to be served Affogato, which is vanilla ice-cream topped with a shot of hot espresso, which is a lot more interesting that this - Strawberry ice bream with fruits. Oh well.

Sistahood. There's a story behind this picture about good angles haha.

Every set cost RM59.90++. To be honest I don't think any of us were all that impressed with the food. It wasn't horrible but it sure wasn't excellent. The portion was smaller than we all imagined it to be and the Tiger Prawns were overcooked.

If you're interested don't forget to call and make reservations =)
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